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The Benefit of Using Your Voice, No Matter What It Costs

When I started writing my latest manuscript, I promised myself I was going to tell the truth. I was going to use my voice, speak up for myself, talk about the things I had kept secret for so long, and finally finally be free to say what was on my mind.

I was done hiding.

losing-your-voice

When I actually got into the writing of it—a very personal story that shares how I made it out of an abusive relationship, and talks about recovering from the real lasting emotional damage of control and manipulation—I realized that telling the “truth” wasn’t going to be as easy as I had once thought.

[If you’re interested in learning more about how I regained my confidence, found and starting using my voice again, check out this new creative writing workshop I’m teaching.].

The obstacles.

One of the major obstacles I came up against was that I couldn’t remember what it felt like to hear my own voice. To trust myself. To assume that my answer to a question—although not necessarily the only answer—was a perfectly valid and important answer. If you had asked me a question like what do you want for dinner? Or what do you think is the best approach to this dilemma? in those early days of recovery, I would have been frozen in my tracks.

I didn’t know.

I’ll never forget a friend having to remind me, when I was about to make a big purchase in a store one day, that I was allowed to change my mind if I wanted to. There I am, a 33-year-old woman, standing at the cash register frozen, and my friend could notice the shift in my energy even more astutely than I could.

I didn’t know how to give myself permission to want what I wanted, to feel what I felt, to know what I knew—let alone to say what I thought. What a disorienting thing to have your only reference point for information and affirmation be outside of you, to other people or institutions or sources—to the point where you aren’t even in touch with your own perspective.

When you check in with yourself, to see how you feel or what you think about a thing, you just… come up blank.

But it gets even more complicated than that.

Even as I did the work to reconnect with myself (through therapy, friendship, writing, yoga) and began recovering the sound of my voice, I realized there was a very external obstacle to using it.

There were forces at work which had a vested interest in keeping me quiet.

Power. Control. Manipulation.

Some of the “push-back” we get when we begin using our voices is healthy—an opportunity for us to see and experience the impact we have on others and hold space for someone else to have their (conflicting) truth, too. But a lot of it is toxic and unfair and and unthoughtful and biased and discriminatory and limiting. Driven by the same forces that drove my abusive relationship—the need for certain people to stay in control and stay in power.

To keep you quiet.

The ramifications many of us experience for using our voices play a powerful role in keeping us from doing it. I noticed in my own recovery process that watching another woman speak up and then get crushed by those who didn’t believe her or take her seriously, or even just didn’t share her opinion, would make me think to myself, “why would I ever put myself in that position?”

The control is working. Until we decide we’re ready to break the cycle.

[When you’re ready to break the cycle, I can teach you one incredibly powerful and effective tool you can use to reconnect with yourself and start using your voice again.]

The dangers.

It’s incredibly dangerous to not know the sound of your own voice—or to know your voice and not be using it.

The first and biggest danger, in my view, is what I alluded to above, which is that when we don’t know and trust ourselves, we become extra vulnerable to control, manipulation, and betrayal. Maybe you get this. You might feel like you have been in business or personal relationships over and over and over again where you are betrayed or lied to or used or silenced or trampled on.

It’s much easier for someone to control you if you don’t know the sound of your voice—because conveniently, when you don’t trust yourself, you have to look to them for guidance.

Religious communities can do this, spouses can do this, significant others can do this, family members can do this, bosses can do this…

And sure, there are plenty of totally benign churches and spouses and parents and bosses who are not taking advantage of those in their care who don’t know the sound of their own voice. But when you know yourself, when you know your voice, suddenly the onus of control for your life and your growth and your development and your happiness is back where it belongs—in your court.

Secondly…

Speaking of which, the second dangerous thing that happens when you don’t know how to navigate your internal world is that you become highly likely to place all of your focus outside of you for the circumstances of your life. This is one way people who feel powerless gain back a sense of power, without actually reclaiming their power.

They blame everyone else for their problems and wish everybody else would change so their experiences could change.

I noticed myself doing this in my recovery when I would start to get really uncomfortable with some of the big feelings I was having about my new life, post-relationship—all the grief, all of the confusion, all of the re-calibrating. Anytime I would speak up about my circumstances and someone would ask me, “how didn’t you see?” or “why did you ignore the warning signs?”

I would point the finger.

It’s a clever evasion move.

Well, he wouldn’t let me…

Sure, maybe there is truth in that statement. But the more important truth, the harder truth, the only truth over which I have any control and the only truth which can set me free is the truth of ME.

Why did I abandon myself?
Why did I ignore what I knew?
Why didn’t I listen to myself?

I’m not saying the external circumstances weren’t terrible or unfair or that they didn’t matter. They did. Of course they did and of course they made things complicated and scary and of course they were unjust and unfair. What I’m saying is that when I answered the HARDER question—“why did I abandon myself”—that’s where I gained back all of my power.

The price of using your voice.

The hard truth is there is a high price to speaking up. Criticism, judgement, rejection, abandonment.

We’re right, I think, to have a little fear of what it costs.

But the bigger question, I think, is “what is the cost of denying your voice?”

I was talking with a friend the other day who got wrapped up in a religious group where she was forced to abandon many of her family and relationship ties—not to mention all of her freedom to think her own thoughts and make her own choices. What she gained in return was access to the “inner circle,” which offered her an elevated social status and unthinkable resources.

After walking away, she said, “it was too expensive. It was just too expensive.”

From one woman who sold her soul for a period of time to anyone out there reading this who knows how it feels to be out of touch with yourself, I just want to say one thing.

It’s not worth it.

It’s too expensive.

It’s time to start using your voice.

It’s time to come home to yourself.

 

 

I believe a regular practice of writing directly impacts my ability connect with myself. Not convinced? 

Want to use your voice? Try a regular practice of journaling. Get free, thought-provoking writing prompts in your inbox every week. 

 

Don’t feel like a “real writer”? I get it. But I disagree.

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Allison Fallon

I write books. I help people write books. I believe a regular practice of writing can change your life.

32 thoughts on “The Benefit of Using Your Voice, No Matter What It Costs”

    1. BEST WAYS TO GET YOUR EX LOVER BACK AND RESTORED YOUR BROKEN MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP FROM SORROW TO HAPPINESS.

      Help me thank DR LARRY for helping me get my ex husband back to me and my family. This great powerful spiritual man restored my sorrow to happiness. My husband left me some years ago for another woman and they both planned to get married. I am so surprised he just came back to me one cool afternoon on Saturday, begging and crying for me to take him back and to forgive him for breaking up our marriage home and forsaking me and the children. Dr Larry is a true spiritualist savior . He brought my husband back” if you have any worries or you have any problem in your marriages or relationships you can reach him via:

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      1. GREAT LOVE SPELL CASTER THAT WORK EFFECTIVELY AND GET YOUR EX LOVER, HUSBAND, WIFE, GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND BACK.. HIS CONTACT INFO ARE BELOW
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        This is my testimony about the good work Dr Kala did for me by bringing back my husband who left me and filing for divorce! After 15 years of marriage, my husband left me. I felt like my life was about to end and I felt depressed. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Kala who I met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across a series of testimonies about this particular spell caster called Dr Kala. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he helped them to cancel divorce, some testified that he helped them to win the lottery and so on and I also watched a video of a woman who he helped. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called Lucia, she testified about how Dr Kala brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours .After reading all these, I decided to give Dr Kala a try. I contacted him via his email and explained my problems to him. In just 2 days, my husband came back to me pleading that we solved our issues and begged me to forgive him for what he just put me through and we are even happier than before. I am so happy that my love is back to me with the help of Dr Kala.I will not stop publishing his name on the internet for the good work he is doing and he is a wonderful Man…If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you. Try Dr KALA today, he will be the answer to your problem. Here’s contact email: kalalovespell@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347051705853

    2. GREAT LOVE SPELL CASTER THAT WORK EFFECTIVELY AND GET YOUR EX LOVER, HUSBAND, WIFE, GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND BACK.. HIS CONTACT INFO ARE BELOW
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      This is my testimony about the good work Dr Kala did for me by bringing back my husband who left me and filing for divorce! After 15 years of marriage, my husband left me. I felt like my life was about to end and I felt depressed. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Kala who I met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across a series of testimonies about this particular spell caster called Dr Kala. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he helped them to cancel divorce, some testified that he helped them to win the lottery and so on and I also watched a video of a woman who he helped. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called Lucia, she testified about how Dr Kala brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours .After reading all these, I decided to give Dr Kala a try. I contacted him via his email and explained my problems to him. In just 2 days, my husband came back to me pleading that we solved our issues and begged me to forgive him for what he just put me through and we are even happier than before. I am so happy that my love is back to me with the help of Dr Kala.I will not stop publishing his name on the internet for the good work he is doing and he is a wonderful Man…If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you. Try Dr KALA today, he will be the answer to your problem. Here’s contact email: kalalovespell@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347051705853

  1. Can relate all too well… I’m glad you made it out. I’m glad you’re getting your voice back. I remember when I started dating my husband I was afraid to tell him if our plans had to change – change meaning something stupid like needing to make a stop to pick up something on our way somewhere else. It alwsys surprised me when he was so chill about it and would tell me, “Ok! No big deal!” And have no reaction about it whatsoever. Each time I’d be bracing myself for some huge confrontation because of the scars from my ex. There IS life on the other side and it is good 🙂

  2. I never use to believe in spell casting until i met Lord Zuma a powerful spell caster who helped me to be a happy person again. i reside in USA. After 4 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids. I felt like my life was about to end and i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a Great spell caster called Lord Zuma which i met online on one faithful day when I was browsing through the internet, i came across a lot of testimonies about this particular Great spell caster how he has helped so many people. he has helped people to bring back their Ex lover, some testified that he restores womb, cure cancer and other sickness, and so on. I also came across a testimony, it was about a woman called Sandra, she testified about how his spell made her to be pregnant after so many years of bareness and at the end of her testimony she dropped Lord Zuma’s email address. After reading all these, i decided to give it a try and i contacted him and explained my problem to him and he assured me that in less than 48 hours, my husband will call me and beg for forgiveness but i thought it will not work. When he had finished casting the spell, the next day my husband called me and he was begging for forgiveness just as Lord Zuma said. This is not brain washing and after the spell has been cast, i realized that my husband love me like never before and the spell caster opened him up to know how much i love him and how much love we need to share. We are even happier now than before. Lord Zuma is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and a genuine spell caster to solve all your problems contact Lord Zuma now on spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or just visit https://spiritualherbal.blogspot.com and see so many he has helped that are testifying about his good work. He will help you solve all your problems. Once again thank you Lord Zuma for your good deeds. His whatsapp number +1 506 800 1647

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  4. BEST WAYS TO GET YOUR EX LOVER BACK AND RESTORED YOUR BROKEN MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP FROM SORROW TO HAPPINESS.

    Help me thank DR LARRY for helping me get my ex husband back to me and my family. This great powerful spiritual man restored my sorrow to happiness. My husband left me some years ago for another woman and they both planned to get married. I am so surprised he just came back to me one cool afternoon on Saturday, begging and crying for me to take him back and to forgive him for breaking up our marriage home and forsaking me and the children. Dr Larry is a true spiritualist savior . He brought my husband back” if you have any worries or you have any problem in your marriages or relationships you can reach him via:

    Email: assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com
    Whatapp: +1(424)-261-8520
    facebook page:  https://www.facebook.com/assurancesolutionhome/

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  9. Best Way to Get Your Ex Lover Back Fast Even If Your Situation Seems Hopeless!. I just got my husband back through the help of genuine love spell caster Lord Zuma. My name is Emily Sarah am from Tx,USA. My husband left me for another woman, This was just 3 years of our marriage. The most painful thing is that I was pregnant with our second baby. I wanted him back. I did everything within my reach to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so badly because of the love I had for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back , I had no choice than to try it. I messaged the spell caster called Lord Zuma, and he assured me there was no problem and that everything will be okay before 12 hours. He cast the spell and surprisingly 12 hours later my husband called me. I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that had happened He wanted me to return to him. He also said he loved me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again. thanks to Lord Zuma . if you are here and your Lover is turning you down, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact Lord Zuma for help now..
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  10. Most people get into a marriage with high and full spirits. They know full well what they are getting into and accept this with an open heart. While you may say that there is a lot of hype in marriages especially on the days leading up to the wedding day, it can get a bit frustrating to have a misunderstanding in your relationship. I have been through hell with my husband for a very long time. With the help of the great spell caster, I was able to resolve my marriage issue and now I finally find happiness in my marriage. For anyone going through any kind of relationship issue or you like to get back with your ex, I will suggest getting in touch with the best relationship advice specialist that will bring happiness back into your home. You can get in touch with The Great Dr.Jumba relationship and affair advisor on WhatsApp: +27651108524 or wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com . He is always ready to help people and bring back happiness into your life.

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  11. My boyfriend left me for another girl for some silly reasons. He keeps telling me that I am nothing to him. He said he wants to be with the other girl. that he has no feeling for me anymore. This started more than one month ago. By this time he also speaks to me but not in his own mood or to rebuild our relationship. He does so because I request him to be with me at least for some hours or some minute… we talk only once …but I can’t stay without him. I want him back.. I was really worried and I needed help, so I searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Lord Zuma can help get ex lover back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do, and I did it then he did a Love spell for me. Some hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he misses me so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day, with lots of love and joy, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pain he caused me when he left. Then from that day, our relationship was now stronger than how it was before, All thanks to Lord Zuma. he is so powerful and I decided to share my happiness on the internet that Lord Zuma is real. if you are here and you need your ex lover back or save your marriage fast. Do not cry anymore, contact Lord Zuma now. Here’s his email: spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or WhatsApp him: +1 506 800 1647

  12. Am writing this article to thank Dr. Jumba, the powerful spell caster that helped me recently to bring back my ex lover that left me for another woman for no reason for the past 8 years. After seeing a post on the internet by Jenna from the USA saying how she was helped by Dr. Jumba, I also decided to contact him for help because I had no choice. All I wanted was for me to get my lover back and happiness. To my greatest surprise my lover came home on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him, I was truly astonished and shocked when my lover knelt down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back. I am really short of expressions, and I don’t know how much to convey my appreciation to you Dr. Jumba. You are a God sent to restore a broken relationship, And now I’m a joyful woman. his contact details are; wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com Whatsapp number +27651108524 . Website : https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com

  13. GREAT LOVE SPELL CASTER THAT WORK EFFECTIVELY AND GET YOUR EX LOVER, HUSBAND, WIFE, GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND BACK.. HIS CONTACT INFO ARE BELOW
    Email: kalalovespell@gmail.com
    WhatsApp number +2347051705853

    This is my testimony about the good work Dr Kala did for me by bringing back my husband who left me and filing for divorce! After 15 years of marriage, my husband left me. I felt like my life was about to end and I felt depressed. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Kala who I met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across a series of testimonies about this particular spell caster called Dr Kala. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he helped them to cancel divorce, some testified that he helped them to win the lottery and so on and I also watched a video of a woman who he helped. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called Lucia, she testified about how Dr Kala brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours .After reading all these, I decided to give Dr Kala a try. I contacted him via his email and explained my problems to him. In just 2 days, my husband came back to me pleading that we solved our issues and begged me to forgive him for what he just put me through and we are even happier than before. I am so happy that my love is back to me with the help of Dr Kala.I will not stop publishing his name on the internet for the good work he is doing and he is a wonderful Man…If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that problem for you. Try Dr KALA today, he will be the answer to your problem. Here’s contact email: kalalovespell@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347051705853

  14. URGENT AND EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL THAT WORK. DR LARRY +1(424)-261-8520

    Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named Dr Larry who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl, We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn’t know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Dr Larry helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back, To my greatest surprise the next morning it was my boyfriend he came back kneeling and begging for me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him. View on youtube https://youtu.be/ginVXzh2Q78 EMAIL: assurancesolutionhome@gmail.com Website: http://assurancesolutioncenter.website2.me/ CALL/WHATSAPP: +1(424)-261-8520 https://www.facebook.com/assurancesolutionhome/

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  16. MOST POWERFUL AND TRUSTED LOVE SPELL AND LOTTERY SPELL CASTER ONLINE 2022

    Dr Jumba is the only spell caster I trust and believe me I’ve seen many. He is honest, genuine and straight to the point which I love. He’s given me so much evidence over the years that my loved ones are always with me. For me it’s the detail. Pieces of information that can’t possibly come from anyone else. ♥️ I can’t recommend Dr Jumba highly enough ♥️ check out this YouTube channel and website to know more about Dr jumba : : https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com , https://youtu.be/kBvs5nQcjWo

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  18. Hello, I am Ethanmia Gayl After being in relationship with Anderson for years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to my friend and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem.
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  19. MOST POWERFUL AND HONEST SPELL CASTER ONLINE , THANKS DR LARRY FOR YOUR PERFECT LOVE SPELL . i want to testify of a powerful spell caster who return my ex boyfriend, it all started when i took his phone and saw a lady message him that she enjoyed the last time and i confronted him about it he was angry and and stop talking to me from that day he started acting strange then he told me he didn’t want me anymore that he loves someone else i was so diver-stated i cried all day and night he blocked me from his Instagram and on phone so i couldn’t reach him anymore this made me sad and cry even the more i was searching for help online when i saw a comment about Dr Larry great work i contacted him and told him about my problems and i did everything he asked me to do he told me after 24hrs my ex will return back to me well i doubted him though because my ex didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore the next day to my greatest surprise he called me and was begging me to give him another chance now we are both happy together all thanks to Dr Larry he can also help you Dr Larry contact info below . assurancesolutionhome@gmail. com or whatsapp him on +1(424)-261-8520. https://assurancesolutionhome.blogspot.com website http://assurancesolutionhome.website2.me/ youtube https://youtu.be/4shxcyUlqtg https://www.facebook.com/assurancesolutionhome/

  20. I don’t know how to explain this.. I am overwhelmed with happiness, You say it and it comes to pass Dr Oniha..OMG! This is more like a miracle. You are a God sent to me..I love you and I will forever testify about your services to other people who are also facing marital problems. You make my whole life a living testimony. My Man is back according to your word. All thanks to you Dr Oniha. I will forever be grateful to you. Bless you! Bless you!! bless you!!! Anyone out there having similar problems in his/her marital home should contact this great spell caster he can be of help. Contact Dr Oniha on his website or email.
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  21. Thank you Dr Oniha for helping me to get my lovely partner back in my life. I am so blessed that you use a non forceful way of reuniting us. Our past,presence and future seems to have all merged into one. You told me that everyone has a compatible soul mate whether in their life of waiting to come into their lives. I am glad its my partner of old. I did not want to really go and be with someone else… You have removed the extra baggage that has been affecting us and holding us back. Peace to you Dr Oniha. Anyone out there with relationship problem should try and contact Dr Oniha his website, i assure you your problems will be solved by this great man. 
    Email: onihaspelltemple@gmail.com
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    Website: http://onihaspells.com.

  22. To all who read this you must have faith. There are greater forces at work than you can imagine. It will get better and each of your situations will improve whether it is what intended to happen or not. Few days after consulting Dr Abaka for help my ex came back to me and today we are happy together as husband and wife, I highly recommend any one to Dr Abaka for whatever problems you are experiencing whether is love, protection, money or psychic powers, he is the real deal. {drabakaspelltemple@gmail.com} either Whats-app/call (+1)484-820-1518

  23. I suffered from what they called peripheral artery disease (PAD). I have been suffering for years, Me and my wife searched for a medical cure, and then we came across a testimony of a man who suffered the same and was cured by Dr Chief Lucky. So my wife and I contacted Dr Chief Lucky via an email and thank God he replied. I explained what was wrong and he sent me herbal medicines that helped heal me completely. I am happy to say that herbal medicine is the ultimate and Dr Chief Lucky I am grateful. You can contact him on his email: chiefdrlucky@gmail.com or whatsapp: +2348132777335, He said that he also specializes in the following diseases: ALS, CANCER, HPV, HERPES, DIABETES, HEPATITIS B, HIV, And more.

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