Have you ever noticed how people often become the very thing they hate?
A man grows up with a cold and abusive father, and ends up becoming a cold and abusive father himself. A woman feels trapped in a marriage with a critical and angry husband, and in turn she becomes critical and angry toward everyone around her.
A generation of people feel rejected by the church, so turn around and reject those who first rejected them.
I’ve found this tendency in myself, as well. I was abused as a child—lied to, tricked, manipulated, used. I hated the person who did that to me. But until I realized what was going on, I actually began using these same tactics as an adult to get what I wanted out of people and relationships.
How can we avoid this sad and messy pattern?
The first things that come to mind are things like addressing the bitterness in our hearts, finding forgiveness, love and healing. Those are all wonderful steps that will certainly contribute to our ability to choose for ourselves how we will act, rather than being controlled by the actions of others.
But there’s a less obvious answer I think is equally as important.
It goes like this: Don’t avoid anything.
In other words: what if, instead of investing all of our energy into what we don’t want to become (mean-spirited, critical, angry, abusive) we invested our time and resources toward what we do want to become (loving, kind, gracious, forgiving, etc). This might seem like a minor distinction, but I believe it’s really important.
Dr. Caroline Leaf is the author of a book called “Who Switched Off My Brain?” where she shares how toxic emotions work to control our reality. Something from that book has been on my mind ever since I read it. Leaf says there are only two primary emotions: love and fear.
If we’re feeling one, Leaf says, we can’t feel the other.
That was shocking to me, honestly, and really convicting.
Because it means that anytime I’m scared of anything (running out of money, being hurt, or becoming like someone I hate) my fear is literally taking up the space where love could exist. The more fear I’m holding, the less love I can manage.
This lines up with scripture as well, which says, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:8).
Additionally, we tend to move in the direction of our focus.
Have you ever noticed that? It’s the same concept as “keep your eye on the ball,” or “don’t look behind you, or your opponent will pass.” The basic idea is simply that we move in the direction we’re pointed.
So in other words, the more I focus on a person I hate, the more I meditate on their behavior, the more I consider how I can avoid becoming like them, the more I become like them. The more I resist becoming like something I dislike, the more I accidentally move toward those qualities.
What if I took my focus off of hate and fear altogether, and simply turned my focus toward love?
What if I stopped paying attention to what I don’t want to be, and started paying attention to what I do want to be instead? I wonder if that would make all the difference in the world.
This is a great reminder. Thanks for this post!
Hi everyone reading this amazing testimony of mine and i want to give my own verdict on how you can win the lottery by contacting Dr Kumar for your lottery numbers. I started playing lottery games for years now and I have never won big. I went online to seek help to see if i could get some tips on how I can win bigger amounts on the lottery and I saw some nice reviews about Dr Kumar who has made different people huge winners in the lottery by sending them lottery numbers. I gave it a try and I contacted Dr Kumar by email and he told me how and what to do before I can become a big lotto winner and I accepted. He made special prayers for me at his temple and sent me the required lottery numbers to play and when I played it, I won a massive $235.4 million POWERBALL jackpot. I was so happy and I chose to receive my winnings in a one-time, lump-sum payment of $160,038,447.27 at Florida Lottery Headquarters in Tallahassee and the balance was given to the store that I bought & played the game from. I would love other people who want to win the lottery to seek help from Dr Kumar and he will also send you the lottery numbers and make you a winner just like me… You can reach Dr Kumar on email: spellcasttemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347051705853
Happy New year Allison,
What a timely message as I try to clean up some messes I have made when I operate in fear. One big thing for me is manipulation. When I am afraid I try to manipulate people and outcomes only to a destructive end. I am this year on a journey with Jesus to just know that He loves me and that with Him and IN Him no manipulation is needed. I am fully excepted as I am I don’t have to work overtime for that to be a fact. Keep up the the post. They are blessing to my life.
Cecilia
Hello Allison, thanks for this, funny thing is I was discussing the same with a friend today. The moment you keep telling someone what not to do it eventually becomes what they want to do because it’s all they know instead tell them what to do. I pray that God will continually bless you so you can continue to be a blessing to u. I Love You and I wish you a prosperous and glorious new year.
Moving in the direction of your focus is a really important concept. I often think about what I’m afraid will happen, when I would be so much better off thinking about what I want to have happen. Thanks Allison!
I recently subscribed to your blog posts after reading Packing Light. I absolutely loved that book!!! I just lent it to a young woman I mentor (whom I will forward this very timely blog post to) and I know she will glean from it as well. I love your honest, fresh, and candid writing style. Thank you for sharing your heart with us readers. Blessings to you.
Very well-written post, and very convicting. Just what I needed to read today.
Ouch!
The mess and the stink were not worth the trouble or the
savings. Try to reward your animal whenever they respond or pay heed to your voice when you
utter out their name. Most ferrets are easily
trained to use a litter box and it helps if it is kept in the same place
in their cage or in the corners of your “ferret room”.
Somewhere before the scripture reference this guy me:
“What you think, you become.”
I’m just stumbling across this post now.
This post is very nicely written and I enjoyed reading it 🙂
I think it’s a great to focus more on our more positive emotions, all of which are manifestations of Love. However, I think the first step on the path to becoming what we hate is to deny that we have that very same darkness inside ourselves. Thus denial is the first step towards becoming what we hate. We first deny that those dark parts we don’t like are part of us, then we devalue the other(s) in some way in order to justify our judgments (blame). Thinking/saying “I will never be like X” is actually the first step to becoming X. We must acknowledge those parts of ourselves and be aware of them so we can recognize them when they arise.
For me, the irony of becoming what we hate is well illustrated in the Star Wars saga of Episode III, where Anakin becomes Darth Vader. By the end of the movie, Anakin is fully operating from fear. He’s enraged, jealous, vindictive, a murderer [and a murderer of children] and consumed by vengeance (the list could keep going). His anger and aggression is his cover for his deepest fears.
I first heard there being only Love or fear to choose from in the book “A Course In Miracles.” It’s been a life changing text for me and has really helped me to become more aware of when I’m operating from Love or fear. I’ve learned from both the text and the workbook that fear comes in many, many forms. As strange as it may sound, sometimes what seems to be coming from love (or loving) is actually just another form of fear (for example, certain behaviors in codependency). The more that I am able to recognize all the hidden forms of fear, the more I make room for Love in my life. As your article has stated in not the same words…fear is a blockage to love.
For me, A Course In Miracles **IS** the message and core teachings the person known as Jesus brought to the world over 2,000 years ago. I was raised Catholic so the Course’s symbolism resonates with me deeply.
Thank you for the article.
Peace to the person reading this right now.
My Ex-boyfriend left me and my daughter since 6 weeks ago after, I tried almost everything to restore my relationship and I was disappointed. None was working out, A week later I saw Dr. Paul website and after I contact Dr. Paul for help, everything automatically changed, my sadness became joy, smile was all good over my face, everything happened very fast and the result was effective. Dr Paul is the only spell caster who i had success with, my boyfriend called me and said she wanted us to come back and also want to marry me. he came back to me begging me to accept him back and this happened Due to the help of Dr. Paul . I Am so happy that I have my boyfriend back. Contact Dr. Paul now for an urgent and fast love spell to win your relationship back. Email him astoriashrine@gmail.com or contact him on WhatsApp +27679901055
Thanks Allison for this awesome post. This is exactly what i was looking for as i think i too am becoming what i hate.
This is all very true. My father was a very angry unpredictible fearful demanding mean unsatisfied person and my mom constantly told me not to be like my father. I always focused on that and thought that I had become just the opposite. Now at 65 I realize All the things I did my life that I thought were the opposite of him were actually just as he had done and that I became even worse than he was? and just realized how many people I hurt most notably myself in the process because I began hating myself and destroying myself as I let others manipulate and hurt me. Always acting out of fear and feel like there is no way out as I hide from myself!!
So glad I stumbled upon this post. I fear I am becoming who I don’t want to be. I love my father, but he has some qualities that I don’t want to embody. And yet…I find myself falling into that hole, and it bothers me deeply.
I really enjoyed your post! Prayerfully moving forward in love.
Hi Allison
thank You so very much for your post. I am in a very dark place. Both in my Life and in my relationship with my girlfriend, but your words really made me realise a few things.. So thank you for that.
I immediately begun following You on Instagram, to see how You can positively enrich my life even more.
Grant
Grant, so sorry to hear about the dark place you’re in. Keep fighting for the light. This won’t last forever, I promise. Glad I could bring some encouragement. Let me know if there is any other way I can help.
You could definitely see your enthusiasm in the work you write.
The arena hopes for even more passionate writers such as you who aren’t afraid to say how they believe.
All the time go after your heart.
I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and
was curious what all is required to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would
cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet savvy so
I’m not 100% sure. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
My brother recommended I would possibly like this blog.
He was entirely right. This submit truly made my day.
You can not believe just how a lot time I had spent for this information!
Thanks!
This info is worth everyone’s attention. When can I
find out more?
Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of
any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.
I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and
was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this.
Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.
You ought to take part in a contest for one of the most
useful websites on the net. I will recommend this site!
Good post. I learn something new and challenging
on sites I stumbleupon everyday. It’s always interesting to read through articles from other writers
and practice a little something from their websites.
Fascinating blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from
somewhere? A design like yours with a few
simple adjustements would really make my blog jump out.
Please let me know where you got your theme. Thank you
whoah this blog is magnificent i like reading your articles.
Keep up the great work! You understand, a lot of persons are
searching around for this info, you could help them
greatly.
Hi, I desire to subscribe for this blog to take most up-to-date updates, so where can i do it please help out.
Hi would you mind letting me know which webhost you’re using?
I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers
and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most.
Can you recommend a good internet hosting provider at a reasonable price?
Cheers, I appreciate it!
Actually no matter if someone doesn’t understand after that its up to other viewers that they will assist, so here it takes place.
This piece of writing is genuinely a nice one it helps new internet
visitors, who are wishing for blogging.
It’s truly a nice and useful piece of info. I am satisfied that
you simply shared this useful info with us. Please stay us
informed like this. Thank you for sharing.
Hello there! This article could not be written much better!
Looking at this post reminds me of my previous roommate!
He constantly kept talking about this. I most certainly will send this article to him.
Pretty sure he’s going to have a very good read.
Thanks for sharing!
Greetings from Los angeles! I’m bored to tears at work
so I decided to check out your website on my iphone during lunch break.
I really like the knowledge you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home.
I’m surprised at how quick your blog loaded on my phone ..
I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, wonderful site!
If some one needs expert view concerning blogging and site-building afterward i advise him/her to go to see
this website, Keep up the good job.
It’s going to be ending of mine day, however before ending I am reading
this impressive piece of writing to improve my experience.
Great website. Lots of useful info here. I’m sending it to some friends ans also sharing in delicious.
And naturally, thanks for your effort!
What’s up, yup this paragraph is genuinely pleasant and I have learned lot of things from it on the topic of blogging.
thanks.
My husband and I have been married for about 7 years now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone. He started coming home late from work, he hardly cared about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn’t even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the Internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Osita can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he did a spell for me. Two days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promised never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. My family and I are living together happily again.. All thanks to Osita. If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. Email him: (drositamiraclespell@gmail.com) or WhatsApp him (+15088120454) website: http://drositamiraclespell.website2.me
Hello my name is Daniel from Germany. I want to tell the world about the great and mighty spell caster called Dr Jatto my wife was cheating on me and no longer committed to me and our kids when i asked her what the problem was she told me, she has fell out of love for me and she want a divorce, i was so heart broken i cried all day and night but she left home i was looking for something online when i saw an article how the great and powerful Dr Jatto have helped so many in similar situation like mine dr jatto email address was there so i sent him an email telling him about my problem Dr Jatto told me she shall return back to me within 24hrs i did everything Dr Jatto asked me to do the next day to my greatest surprise my wife came back home and was crying and begging me to forgive and accept her back. Dr Jatto can also help you contact Gmail: drjattolovespelltemple01@gmail.com
GET YOUR EX LOVER TO RESTORE YOUR BROKEN RELATIONSHIP, MARRIAGE RESTORED.
I’m just upset that I have been in pain and crying for so long and many times. Thank you dromokpo@gmail.com
I wished I would have found you earlier, you would have saved me from a lot of pain for the past five years my ex lover left me for another woman in just 2 days i contacted you Dr Omokpo you brought my broken relationship back
I spent a small fortune enough to take my dream trip to South Carolina but what’s the point in taking a dream trip without the love of my life. Dr Omokpo has given me hope and his honesty is a breath of fresh air, I feel so good and heavy happiness in my heart to get my ex lover back. Who I thought he was gone forever. We are married now as I share my testimony with you. If you have broken relationship or broken marriage or you want to get your ex lover back kindly contact: dromokpo@gmail.com
Wow, incredible blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your website is excellent, let alone the content!
I’m really inspired along with your writing skills as
well as with the layout for your weblog. Is this
a paid topic or did you customize it your self?
Either way keep up the excellent high quality writing, it’s
uncommon to see a nice blog like this one these days..
What i do not understood is in reality how you’re now not
really much more well-liked than you may be
right now. You’re so intelligent. You know thus considerably relating to this
matter, made me in my view consider it from so many numerous
angles. Its like men and women aren’t involved until it’s
something to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs excellent.
Always care for it up!
At this time it appears like BlogEngine is the top blogging platform available right now.
(from what I’ve read) Is that what you are using on your blog?
Hey there would you mind letting me know which web host you’re utilizing?
I’ve loaded your blog in 3 different internet
browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot faster then most.
Can you suggest a good internet hosting provider at a honest
price? Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!
I’m just too happy that everything is in place for me now. I would gladly recommend the use of spell to any one going through marriage problems and want to put an end to it by emailing Dr Emu through emutemple@gmail.com and that was where I got the help to restore my marriage. Whatsapp +2347012841542
https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple-104891335203341
you are really a good webmaster. The site loading velocity
is amazing. It kind of feels that you are doing any unique trick.
Moreover, The contents are masterpiece. you’ve performed a great activity on this matter!
Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is a very neatly
written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and come back to
read extra of your helpful information. Thank you for the post.
I will certainly return.
Thanks a lot for sharing this with all of us you actually realize what you’re speaking approximately!
Bookmarked. Please also discuss with my site =). We will have a link exchange contract among us
I think the admin of this website is truly working hard in support
of his web site, as here every material is quality based stuff.
Hurrah, that’s what I was looking for, what a information! existing here at this web site, thanks admin of this website.
R EMU WHO HELP PEOPLE IN ANY TYPE OF LOTTERY NUMBERS
It is a very hard situation when playing the lottery and never won, or keep winning low fund not up to 100 bucks, i have been a victim of such a tough life, the biggest fund i have ever won was 100 bucks, and i have been playing lottery for almost 12 years now, things suddenly change the moment i came across a secret online, a testimony of a spell caster called dr emu, who help people in any type of lottery numbers, i was not easily convinced, but i decided to give try, now i am a proud lottery winner with the help of dr emu, i won $1,000.0000.00 and i am making this known to every one out there who have been trying all day to win the lottery, believe me this is the only way to win the lottery.
Contact him on email Emutemple@gmail.com
What’s app +2347012841542
https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple-104891335203341
I used to be suggested this website through my cousin. I am no
longer sure whether this post is written by
him as nobody else realize such targeted about my trouble. You’re wonderful!
Thank you!
https://amd1080.com/first/
I like reading through a post that will make men and women think. Also, many thanks for permitting me to comment!
https://main7.net/crazy/
Say, you got a nice article post.Thanks Again.
I added a new list. As you’ll see it’s bigger than most of them. I hope you all have had a great week!
I all the time used to read post in news papers but now as I am a user of web thus from now I am using net for posts, thanks to web.
Hello viewers I am Larry Baier, i can never stop thanking Dr Graceondu for transforming my life, i have been playing lottery games for a very long time and i have never one day win any game, i met a friend whom i complained to about my inability to win and he introduced me to Dr Graceondu whom helped him by praying for him and giving him a game that he played and he won $150,000
so i contacted him through his email and he assured me that i will win big. he asked me to give him two day so he can make some prayers on my behalf so that the winning numbers will be revealed to him, so i waited for two days the second day he sent me the number to play, so i play the game i never had it in my mind that i was going to win such amount of money, so on that faithful day i went to check the game on April 16, 2021 and behold i got the biggest shock of my life i won $2,000,000 and from that moment my life changed.
all thanks to Dr Graceondu, i want to also advice everyone out there to also contact him if you have been playing lottery and you have never won.
You can reach him via his email, drgraceondu12@gmail.com or Call +15204677763
https://conecta.bio/slotbri adalah biolink daftar deposit slot online via bank rakyat Indonesia berlangsung 24 jam tanpa jadwal offline minimal 10 ribu termurah di Indonesia
Situs https://slotbcaonline.sport.blog/ menyediakan informasi seputar transaksi depo slot online menggunakan bank central Asia secara lengkap dan termurah.
I suffered from what they called peripheral artery disease (PAD). I have been suffering for years, Me and my wife searched for a medical cure, and then we came across a testimony of a man who suffered the same and was cured by Dr Chief Lucky. So my wife and I contacted Dr Chief Lucky via an email and thank God he replied. I explained what was wrong and he sent me herbal medicines that helped heal me completely. I am happy to say that herbal medicine is the ultimate and Dr Chief Lucky I am grateful. You can contact him on his email: chiefdrlucky@gmail.com or whatsapp: +2348132777335, Facebook page: http://facebook.com/chiefdrlucky or website: https://chiefdrlucky.com/. Dr Chief Lucky said that he also specializes in the following diseases: LUPUS, ALS, CANCER, HPV, HERPES, DIABETES, COPD, HEPATITIS B, HIV AIDS, And more.
Hello everyone, I want to use this medium to thank a great spell caster called Dr Grceondu for transforming my life financially, i have been playing lottery game for long but have never won any reasonable amount, I contacted Dr Graceondu after i red about him on the internet on how he help a lady with a lottery winning numbers and the lady won a very big amount of money, so i contacted him and He instructed me on what to do which i did and he told me to give him some time to pray, on the second day he sent me some numbers and he said i should go and play them, so i went to play the numbers he gave me, after two day the result came out, and i went to check and to my greatest surprise my name came out as one of the winners i won $45 million, i still cant believe what happened to me that i am now a millionaire over night, i just want to say a very big thank you to Dr Graceondu i have never seen a powerful man like him, I will advice everyone out there to contact Dr Graceondu if you want to win big in your lottery game.
You can reach him via his email, drgraceondu12@gmail.com or WhatsApp him +15204677763
I URGENTLY NEED MY EX BACK WITH THE HELP OF A POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER DOCTOR OMAN EMAIL ADDRESS MIRACULOUSSOLUTIONHOME@YAHOO.COM My fellow friends online seeing for how to fix your relationship or marriage this is a sweet solution. I’m Julius from London UK, I want to use this medium to thank The Great Dr OMAN because he brought back my Ex husband. My husband left me for the ex-girlfriend he had before he married me. I was so eager to get him back because I loved him, then I told my friend about it and she gave me The Great Dr OMAN email and I emailed him and told him my problem and he brought back my husband within 24 hours. If you need help in getting back together with your Ex, He is reading to help you for free. You can text him on his email. MIRACULOUSSOLUTIONHOME@YAHOO.COM
If you want know more about him watch his YouTube channel; https://youtube.com/channel/UCnteU-u8GutKdjxc_NIlVew
These are the things priest mandible does.
1.Low sperm count
2.Epilepsy
3.Asepsis
4.Pregnancy problem
EFFECTIVE LOVE SPELL TO GET EX HUSBAND/BOYFRIEND OR EX WIFE/GIRLFRIEND AND CURE HERPES AND INFERTILITY THAT WORKS WITHIN 24 HOURS. WIN LOTTERY POWERBALL/MEGAMILLIONS 100% GUARANTEED
Contact Dr. Odunga at odungaspelltemple@gmail.com OR Whats App/CALL +2348167159012
I got my ex husband back to me and also got fertile and gave birth to twin girls after 12 years of marriage.
When I came online last year, I saw a testimony about Doctor ODUNGA and how he has been helping people with marriage issues and I decided to contact him. We spoke on email at odungaspelltemple@gmail.com and later he gave me his WhatsApp number which is +2348167159012. He assured me he would help me get my ex husband back after 3 years of no contact. Doctor Odunga is the best spell caster I must say. My husband called me after 24 hours of contact. The third day, I received natural herbs for fertility and after using it, I became fertile and conceived. I and my husband reconnected, had sex and I was pregnant. Presently I am happy to say I am the mother of twin girls and this is ALL THANKS TO DOCTOR ODUNGA. I came online to say this If you need help, I believe you are saved with this man.
Contact his email at odungaspelltemple@gmail.com
OR Whats App/Call +2348167159012 and you too will give a testimony too to help others
Hi everyone reading this amazing testimony of mine and i want to give my own verdict on how you can win the lottery by contacting Dr Kumar for your lottery numbers. I started playing lottery games for years now and I have never won big. I went online to seek help to see if i could get some tips on how I can win bigger amounts on the lottery and I saw some nice reviews about Dr Kumar who has made different people huge winners in the lottery by sending them lottery numbers. I gave it a try and I contacted Dr Kumar by email and he told me how and what to do before I can become a big lotto winner and I accepted. He made special prayers for me at his temple and sent me the required lottery numbers to play and when I played it, I won a massive $235.4 million POWERBALL jackpot. I was so happy and I chose to receive my winnings in a one-time, lump-sum payment of $160,038,447.27 at Florida Lottery Headquarters in Tallahassee and the balance was given to the store that I bought & played the game from. I would love other people who want to win the lottery to seek help from Dr Kumar and he will also send you the lottery numbers and make you a winner just like me. You can reach Dr Kumar on email: spellcasttemple@gmail.com or WhatsApp +2347051705853