The Friend You’ll Have to Ditch to Chase Your Dreams

During the past few weeks it has occurred to me: I have a friend I have to ditch if I’m ever going to truly enjoy my life and become who I was made to be.

Photo Credit: woodleywonderworks, Creative Commons

It’s hard, because I’m not a big fan of ditching friends. I’m a loyal person by nature, and try to do everything I can to build bridges and keep relationships, even when they’re hard. If anything, I lean too far in the direction of sacrificing my personal boundaries in order to maintain connections.

But I can’t do that with this friend.

This friend is preventing me from living in my strengths, talking me out of doing things I want to do, blowing my weaknesses out of proportion, pushing shame on me for past mistakes, using scare tactics to prevent me from future mistakes, and just generally ruining my life. She’s a real jerk. And you know what?

You have this friend, too.

And you need to ditch him or her.

This friend has been in my life for longer than any other friend I’ve had. She goes with me just about everywhere I go. She’s clingy, needy and won’t leave me alone. Sometimes I tell her to go away, but she just keeps showing up. She’s there in the morning right when I wake up, and there in the evening when I’m falling asleep.

And she has an opinion about everything.

I’m not joking. Everything.

Right now, while I’m writing this blog post, she’s whispering in my ear: “This is stupid. Nobody is going to read it. You might as well just trash it and start over.”

In fact, pretty much anytime I try to do anything constructive or thoughtful or important, she comes up with a reason why it won’t work, or why no one will care. She tries to get me to focus on poor motives, or past failures or tries to convince me I should be pointing my efforts elsewhere.

She’s impossible to please.

You’ve probably guessed by now who I’m talking about: It’s me.

It was just this week, as I was driving down the highway (I missed my exit, and my inner-critic began to talk to me in that tone of hers) that I realized: If I had a friend who treated me the way I treat myself, I would ditch her. Seriously. She would be out the door so fast. She’s awful.

So why do I stay friends with that person inside my head? Why haven’t I un-friended my inner-critic?

I have the ability to turn it off, don’t I?

Start paying attention to this friend in your life.

I’m certain you have one. He or she probably hangs around all the time, but gets particularly vocal when you’re tired or out-of-your-element. Pay attention when a well-meaning real-life friend gives you constructive criticism because your inner-critic will likely twist it and distort it until it feels like an insult.

When you step out to do something new or exciting, tune in: your inner critic is up to bat, ready to talk you out of it.

“This will never work,” he or she will tell you.

“This always happens to you.”

“See, you’re here again. Figures. What else did you expect?

“I told you so.”

This friendship has to end. Now.

I wonder how much happier and more peaceful our lives would be if we told this awful friend to take a hike. I wonder what would happen if we took the Golden Rule and applied it to ourselves (treated ourselves as we would want to be treated, rather than how we believe we deserve to be treated).

I wonder if there might be more growth, more productivity, more of us come to life…


No, seriously, we can be friends...we can email back and forth and everything! :) 

Please enter your name.
Please enter a valid email address.
Something went wrong. Please check your entries and try again.
Posted in

Allison Fallon

I write books. I help people write books. I believe a regular practice of writing can change your life.

38 thoughts on “The Friend You’ll Have to Ditch to Chase Your Dreams”

  1. Allison, I so agree with what you wrote. I immediately recognized “me” in your story. You speak truth. I speak loud, clear, constantly, and critically to myself. Now, to only be able to stop listening to my “friend.” Thank you for revealing and validating these feelings.

  2. Seems we have a mutual friend. I’ve been trying to shake her for some time as well. She sure knows how to hang on though. I’ve been wondering the same thing lately, what would life be like without her pulling me down ?

    Made me think of this song from Mercy Me, think I’m going to make it my theme song.

    GREAT post ! Keep em coming, you’re resonating 🙂

  3. Thanks for encouraging us all to ignore that “inner critic”. Let me be an outside “encourager”, saying the very same thing back to you. Your voice is important. Don’t stop writing. In the words of the old, old Simon & Garfunkel song don’t let your words become like the “songs that voices never share”.

    We all make the decision moment by moment on whether to listen to our inner critic or to recognize the presence of God in our everyday lives and bring glory to Him. It’s those real everyday moments that I write about at

    Thanks for all your posts!

  4. Allison,
    This is just what I needed today! I may be stepping into something where I feel out of my element and I’m hearing my inner critic telling me I can’t do it and it will never work. Thank you for these inspiring, encouraging words today! I’m going to keep referring to them again and again . . .

  5. oh, yes. my inner critic is a real jerk. one question i’ve found that helps defuse him is: “if you spoke to others the way you speak to yourself, would you listen to yourself?” honestly, i can’t remember if that’s the correct phrasing, but it gets the gist across. all the inner doubt and negative self-talk really does have an impact on our psyche, whether we believe it or see it or not.

    good words, as always, ally.

  6. Great post. Such amazing insight here Ally. This is a perspective which seems so obvious yet most of us don’t see. My ‘friend’ is great at telling me I’m going to fail no matter how hard I try, that I’m not good enough, that I’m a loser and a failure. And you know what? It’s lying. And I don’t want to be friends with this inner voice anymore.

    I’ve learned so much from this post, definitely going to try and take this perspective into my own life. Brilliant.

  7. Oh, honey. I know this friend WAY too well and she’s a tough one to ditch. But you know now, early in the game, that she has to give way for the deepest, best, most beautiful you to flourish. And you do.

  8. You’re right, I have that friend too. I’m holding her stories up to the Light to remind myself they aren’t true. Glad I learned that concept at the Storyline conference in Nashville. And I’m glad I met you and learned of your sweet blog. Thanks for being, Ally.

  9. wonderful post allison… yes, my worst critic is myself… i wonder why that is??…

    i am doing serious work however to love that critic and pay attention to what he says instead of just taking it.. ha

  10. love this. Reminds me very much of a quote I saw recently that said, “be kind to yourself: it’s hard to be nice when someone is being mean to you all the time.”

    yikes. yep! big wake up call for me.

  11. Thank you for the reminder, Allison! I have that friend and it is obvious in my internal and external life the effect she has had on me.

    Time for change!

  12. This is so true, I’ve been having major battles in my life and most of them come from my not so very best friend inside my head. It’s amazing how our inner critic can hold into the tiniest words from years ago and can make them into inner hurricanes the can be so destroying…I’ve had to learn to let go of those things and speak out truths when overwhelmed with the whispers that bring so much doubt and confusion.
    Posts like yours help to remind me that I’m not the only one with such an unwelcome ‘friend’

  13. I am really impressed together with your writing skills
    and also with the structure for your blog. Is that this a paid subject matter or
    did you modify it yourself? Anyway keep up the excellent high quality writing, it is rare
    to see a nice blog like this one today..

  14. Hi there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it is really informative.
    I’m gonna watch out for brussels. I’ll appreciate if you continue this in future.
    Many people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  15. Hey there! Someone in my Facebook group shared this website with us so I came to check it out.
    I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m bookmarking and will
    be tweeting this to my followers! Superb blog and terrific design.

  16. I’m excited to find this great site. I need to to thank you for your time for this particularly wonderful read!!
    I definitely really liked every little bit of it and
    I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff on your website.

  17. Excellent blog here! Also your website loads up fast! What host are you using?
    Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my site loaded up as quickly as yours lol

  18. First off I would like to say excellent blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you do not mind.

    I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your mind before
    writing. I’ve had difficulty clearing my thoughts in getting my thoughts out.
    I truly do enjoy writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes tend to be wasted just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or
    hints? Thanks!

  19. Hi, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one
    and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam feedback?

    If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can recommend?
    I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any assistance is very much appreciated.

  20. We’re a gaggle of volunteers and opening a brand new scheme in our community.

    Your site offered us with helpful info to work on. You have
    done a formidable activity and our whole community might be
    grateful to you.

  21. Hi! This post could not be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate!
    He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this article to him.

    Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!

  22. I am extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog.
    Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself?
    Either way keep up the nice quality writing, it is rare to see a nice
    blog like this one these days.

  23. Hmm it appears like your blog ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say,
    I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to the whole thing.
    Do you have any helpful hints for rookie blog writers?
    I’d definitely appreciate it.

  24. With havin so much written content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My blog has a lot
    of exclusive content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it seems
    a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without
    my authorization. Do you know any methods to help prevent content
    from being stolen? I’d genuinely appreciate it.

    It is a very hard situation when playing the lottery and never won, or keep winning low fund not up to 100 bucks, i have been a victim of such a tough life, the biggest fund i have ever won was 100 bucks, and i have been playing lottery for almost 12 years now, things suddenly change the moment i came across a secret online, a testimony of a spell caster called dr emu, who help people in any type of lottery numbers, i was not easily convinced, but i decided to give try, now i am a proud lottery winner with the help of dr emu, i won $1,000.0000.00 and i am making this known to every one out there who have been trying all day to win the lottery, believe me this is the only way to win the lottery.

    Contact him on email Em*******@gm***.com
    What’s app +2347012841542

  26. Its like you learn my mind! You seem to know
    so much approximately this, like you wrote the e book in it or something.
    I think that you simply can do with a few percent to power the message home a bit, but instead of that, that is fantastic blog.
    A fantastic read. I’ll certainly be back.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

4 × five =

Feeling Stuck? Join 10,000+ others for Monday Motivation

Inspiration for your writing (and your life) delivered directly to your inbox every week.

Please enter your name.
Please enter a valid email address.
Something went wrong. Please check your entries and try again.
Scroll to Top

My new book is available for pre-order!

Discover the power of (finally) getting unstuck, claiming your clarity, and becoming the person whose life you want to live—all through a simple self-care practice you can build into your daily routine.